"That's Amore!"

Here's the newest and latest from Sarah.  She continues to serve in Lodi with Sorella Gillespe.

Letters and Canolli

1/28/15--Thank you for your letters. They are seriously my favorite part of P day. By far. I love reading your letters more than all the panzerotti in the world. Even probably more than all the canolli in the world. (I had a real Sicilian canollo this week. I know they used animal fat to fry the outside, but hoochi mama. I swear it is the dirty stores with gross signs that sell the best food. Also, Italian lesson. Panini is plural. So is canolli. So if you say I want one veggie panini, that is wrong. It's 'I want to make an apple and cheese panino.') So the point of that is I'd rather have letters from you, than all the canolli in the world :)

Yay! I Love Italians

1/28/15--So this week. Oddly, we didn't have very many appointments--well, that's not odd, but the odd part was that not having appointments was actually great this week because it gave me the opportunity to meet the following people. Here's how my week went down:

Thursday we went to Guilietta's house and had a lesson with her and her son Tiago (who's probably about 15 months). She is so cool. She's an RM (served in Spain) and I love being at her house with her son. Her son Tiago does this cute thing. If you say mama mia mama mia, he'll clasp his pudgy hands together and shake them in a "dai" "ma va" "why me?" "mama mia" kind of way. Super cute. 

Friday we went to see Sorella D who I love. So freaking much. She's this little short lady from Peru and she loves the gospel so much. We come over and she just wants to fatten us up. I swear the words I hear her say most is "Manggia! Manggiate! Dai! Sorelle manggiate!" She's just super sweet. And it seems like she always is talking to people about the gospel trying to find us referrals :) so sweet. I love the Peruvians. Also it's cool because I can now differentiate between Italian Italian and Peruvian Italian.  All the other South American accents are still mushed together but I'll get there. 

Saturday we had our lesson with Kira and Raffaele. They are so sweet. We got off the bus stop and saw Kira literally running to meet us. She gave us each a huge hug and started saying how much she'd missed us. We went back to their house and looked at pictures from their vacation and they are so cuuuuuute. Dai. I just want them to get married and then baptizzzzed. But we had the Restoration lesson and they seemed to take it well. They said they are reading our daily scripture texts and they really like it. "It just brings a different light to these hard topics. It says things in a cool way." They said they would begin to read and pray every day. We invited them to church and they said they like to sleep soo...they didn't come. BUT! Piano piano. Little by little.

Ero Contenta

1/28/15--Another thing that made this week good was lunch on Saturday. We had sandwiches with the Italian bakery bread (the ladies that work in the paneteria love us) and then we finished early and went into the bedroom to lay down for a bit. I put on Solace 3 CD and went to the movement from Rachs PC 2. And as soon as I laid down, the sun came out. I don't think I've felt more at home then I did for those 25 minutes listening to Rach and Bach serenade me and feeling the warm sun on my bed from IKEA. I don't think I prayed exactly, but my heart was just open to heaven as I laid there. Feeling it all. Soaking it all in. All that sun all that music all this Italy. It was a melancholy moment for sure. But I was happy too. Emotions are so complex. Ero contenta. I was content. English needs that word more. 

Taking Lodi by Storm

1/28/15--Sunday. We have a killer ward. After sacrament meeting, we went into a room with all four missionaries, and all the RMs in the ward. Fratello V said, "We need a baptism." And for the next twenty minutes we talked about ways we could get more referrals, more less actives to church, more investigators to activities. It was so cool. I felt like I was in the council room of the avengers or something. Taking Lodi by storm. 

Gaia

1/28/15--Monday. This might be my favorite. We were coming back from district meeting. We had planned to take the bus, but it just didn't show up. #italy We went to the train station to wait for the train that would come at 3 o'clock. We then realized we could take a train at 3:05 and it would get us to Lodi faster because it had fewer stops. So we went to the other platform to wait. The 3 o'clock train came and went. The 3:05 train never came. #italy So we had to wait for the 4 o'clock to Lodi. At this point we were feeling pretty discouraged. While we waited we had made approaches at several people and they were more than normally cold. So we climbed the stairs in the 4:00 train and sat down next to this woman who looked about 44 or 45. We started talking to her, giving her a tentative "Come sta?" ready internally to be shut down again. But we weren't. She talked to us. Eventually, after sharing a bit about our gospel, we asked if we could pray with her. "Yes. Could you pray for my brother and mother? They died three years ago." "Yes, of course." After the prayer we looked up and she was crying. I gave her a tissue (you can count on me to always have those handy) and I bore my testimony that I believe that there will be a life after this and that she will see her family again. She said thank you and that she hoped for that too. She said it was a miracle that we had met her today because she usually takes a later train. She stood up and said she had to leave, but we gave her a card hurriedly before she walked off. "God will bless you two" was the last thing she said before she walked off. She said she worked a lot but that she would try to find time to call us and maybe see us sometime. That night we had studies (we don't have time to do it in the morning on Mondays cause of traveling to Pavia which is a multiple hour ordeal) and I studied a lot about faith. I always feel that giving out cards is a little act of faith that maybe someday they will call. But in Jacob 4:6 it says that unshakable faith in Christ can give you the ability to command the trees to obey you. That night I prayed with as much faith as I could muster that she would have a dream where she saw SG and I leading her to see her mother and brother. Maybe nothing will come of it. And maybe if it does she will write it off as a sweet dream and nothing more. But I still have faith that she will call the Lodi sorelle. If not now, maybe later. I believe that she felt the Spirit. But even if she doesn't call, I brought her a bit of hope that Monday. And she is closer to Christ for it. And that is why I'm here. 

Tracting

1/28/15--Yesterday we spent all day outside because (Surprise!) no one wants to meet with us! At first the prospect of hours of tracting made me want to cry, but the man we met in the first few minutes subdued my fears. We had been outside for about twenty minutes when we said buongiorno to this old guy. He said in his raspy, wispy, old man Italian, "Ciao ciao! I haven't left my house in ten days! And then I thought, 'I'll take a walk', and now I'm taking a walk!!" He flipped back around and kept walking. <3 <3 <3 favorite. 

Anyway, we then had a WAY cool thing happen. This African lady came up to us and said, "Can I talk to you?"--double take--what the... "Yes of course." She said that we had given her a card once but she was in a hurry and couldn't talk with us. She had wanted to call us but had lost the card. We immediately whipped out our phone, "Can we exchange numbers?" She wants to meet with us and talk about God. She's a born again Christian and said she wants to see "This Joseph Smith's name in the Bible."...Don't know how we'll handle that one yet...but she seems really sweet. She said that she is so grateful to us for giving the truth of Jesus to our generation. Then she said something about how the government is going to the dogs. #italians But! We asked if we could pray with her and she said, "Do you pray in Jesus' name?" "Yes." "Then go right ahead, cuties." She's the best. Marita. 

Last thing, whenever we are tracting in centro it is hard not to look at the stores. But it is funny because whenever SG will say "Oh that is so cute!" She'll then slap her face and say "bad llama" like from Emperor's New Groove. It's really really funny in real life. 

Milano Models

2/4/15--On Pday I went up to Milano just me and Sorella G. We read emails on the way up and then climbed to the top of duomo. It was a beautiful cloudless day. The sun was shining. We saw "models!" They were actually just raggazzi in weird clothes taking pictures with their iPhones. But SG and I were making fun of them. "wowowowow!! rrrrreal italian models!!! uooooau!" Don't worry we were very quiet. This interaction resulted in quite a few model selfies on the top of duomo though. It felt just like good ol' times on family vacations with my main men Beth and Jake...It was one of the most enjoyable P days yet. I really love Sorella Gillespie and every time I go to duomo it's just wow. I live fifteen minutes from this crazy beautiful city.

The Field Is Just...Almost White

2/4/15--Friday we had weekly planning and everything kind of fell apart for us. Basically I'm going to do this fast like a Band-Aid. Which is kind of how it was for us too. Kira and Raffaele, Alice, Lucrezia and Cesare all dropped us within two hours on Friday morning. And we are giving the Rossi family the "drop talk" this week because while they love us, their interest in reading and progressing is nil. So basically, as of Friday we don't have anyone to teach. At all. We both had break downs I think this weekend. It is especially hard for SG. This is her 5th transfer in Lodi and she has already seen simps come and go and hasn't seen a baptism since her first city. As for me, I think as a greenie, you just always come in with gallons of faith. "You will baptize! You will find people! There are people waiting for YOU!" That is all I heard in the MTC, and while it was overboard, I tried to believe it. And then I came here and found Kira and Raffaele and Lucrezia and Alice. And I had faith that maybe one of them would pull through. And that if they didn't, at least from all of these cards we were handing out, Gaia or Joseph or someone would call and be interested. I am not saying that I don't think missions are worth it when you don't have simps or when you don't baptize, but they are probably a lot easier when you do. I've only been in the field for 7 weeks and I want to believe that "la terra qui è pronta" that the land here is ready. I really want to. But it's hard to believe it is pronta qui in Lodi. It is kind of feeling like this corner of the field is just...almost white, but still a little bit green and premature. I love teaching people and talking to people. I love getting to know people even if it is only for 15 minutes. But I leave them with a prayer and a card and I pray and have faith that they will call and want to learn more and know more. And the more lessons I have without results, the harder it is becoming to walk away from it thinking, "Maybe they will call!" It ends up being more of a "Maybe I brightened their day! They probably won't call, but I guess I'll pray for it anyway!" and that is about all the faith I can muster. Especially these past few days. I just wake up every morning and aside from member and less active visits, we don't have anything to do but find. And sometimes we will find people and they will seem nice. And then we might even call them later and they will say, on the phone, "I prayed with you, that is it. Basta. Ciao." (That was Esther from last week. She's not a potential anymore.) Gah. I don't know. I feel like now that we have no one to teach my reserve is running on empty again. Not so much from homesickness anymore. I still miss you guys, but I'm pretty settled in now. I'm just exhausted of trying to come up with reasons that I'm here. Yes, maybe I bring a little happiness into the lives of people I see and pray with. But so does a text from a girlfriend or a gelato. How could I possibly be better than a gelato?...It has just been really hard to wake up every morning knowing that everything I do today probably will make no difference to anyone. Maybe to myself. I guess I'm growing. Yay Sarah. Wow. Okay. Depressing rant over.

La Luna

2/4/15--On our way to Fiona's this week (a less active who is really quite bipolar. One Sunday she will let us in and tell us we are looking great and say we are angels in her life, and the next week we'll make the four mile bike ride to her house and knock on her door and we'll hear her inside but she won't answer.... C'est la vie.) I saw the moon. I think it was almost full, but it was a clear night. We like singing "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's amore!" at night on bike rides. Singing makes you forget you're cold. However because we don't know any more lyrics we'll just sing that line over and over again. So we sang that for a while. Then it was just silent. I was biking, it was cold and I was sad because...well because of the last paragraph. But then I looked up at that beautiful big Italian moon and literally the stars and moon at night are a balm to my tender soul these days. How many nights will I be in Italy to see a full moon? Not many more. So I savored this one. And I'm trying to do as Michael instructed and appreciate the random castles that are everywhere. And the clock towers and the churches. Italy is beautiful.

Missionary Chapters

2/11/15--It seems that my scripture study this week was set apart for this time in my mission. I've been reading the missionary chapters in Alma. (As a very long, yet funny side note, SG and I have been getting days of laughter out of our man Ammon. He is the Anne Shirley of the BoM. The story of the sheep--"A bunch of punks scattered our sheep?! OFF WITH THEIR ARMS!!" Alma 27:17-19--"I just LOVE Alma! OOOOH! Fetch me my smelling salts!!" Alma 26--The whole chapter he's just soooo happy!!! Sooo much emotion! Aaron, "Don't you think that's a little much, bro?" Ammon, "OOOOOHHH AARON!! You couldn't be more WRONG!! I could go on for days, weeks, MONTHS!!! or at least 20 more verses!" And he's always just being like, "We just baptized sooooo many peeeople!" When we quote him we usually squeak out the last word like a little voice crack or maybe he ran out of breath or is about to faint. We also throw our arms up and wave them around like Sokka and "happy mushroom." We literally love him so much. I'm realizing now that it might sound like we are making fun of him but we really aren't. Ammon's a bro. He's the man. We love us some Ammon vibs.) ANNNYWAY. Missionary chapters. But really the part that stuck out to me most was Alma 29:1-9. I read it on Sunday and it was a bit of a guilt trip. "Why should I desire more than to perform the work to which I've been called?" I want simps. And I'd probably feel like I was DOING the work better if I could see tangible fruits of my labors. And seeing those fruits is nice. But I am here and I am working. And I shouldn't desire more. Of course, that is kind of easy for him to say seeing as he has just converted a whole city and is in the process of converting a nation of people. In verses 10-17 he goes on to say his joy is full from seeing the change in the hearts of his brethren. I want that joy. And I think that joy is more easily attained or at least recognized when you do have those numbers to back up that the work you do is not without reward. But as for now, our numbers are humble. And so are we. Boy are we humble.

She Has Fire in Her Eyes

2/11/15--Sunday we went to the R family house for pranzo. It was delicious as usual and I love those guys. Their house is just full of people and noise and food and cheese and meat and light and warmth. It's always a good time there. And this time I could actually talk with them! Yay! Although SG had to take a call and then I got all freaked out because I HAD TO UNDERSTAND. I HAD NO BACK UP. But then it was fine. Anyway. We shared a spiritual thought about mish work and Leo, their 25 year old son said, looking at SG, "Lei ha fuoco nei sua occhi." "She has fire in her eyes." I was pretty happy to hear that. I try to share the message the best I can. And I am passionate about this work, and it is nice to know that others can tell. At least if they are looking for it. My grammar might not be perfect, but I do have my heart in it. And it's nice that people can see that in my eyes.

Cold and Wet

2/11/15--Just a quick snippet of our week from Thursday to Monday. Nothing. We went finding every day. We had about 3 less active appointments, 2 of which fell through. After our appointments we'd head into centro or parco to do finding. We would talk with people and occasionally they would stop and talk for a few moments but they were cold and we were cold and no one really wanted to stick around and talk. And no one wanted to give us their numbers or another time we could meet. In that respect it was hard. And Thursday was really hard. We had just gotten back from a lesson and it had been snowing/sleeting/raining all day. It was wet. Leather boots are great. But even boots without holes aren't water proof. My feet were soaked through by minute twenty. SG had rubber boots and she was fine but really sorry about my feet but... I mean there's not much we could do. Even if we went home to switch shoes, my other boots would be soaked in seconds flat. So...onward and upward. We spent another hour walking around. At this point almost no one was outside. It was dark and late and it was pouring rain (also we forgot our umbrellas at home when we left that morning) and I was cold wet miserable. I started limping because my feet were so cold I couldn't really feel them anymore. SG said, "Lean on me" and because I'm just so cheesy all the time even when I'm physically miserable I broke out into song (It was an empty street, don't worry) "Lean on meeee when you're alone..." and so on. I think she started laughing and then I did and then I started crying and then we were both crying. And then we turned around and both sort of hobbled home. We talked to one man that night. He was nice. He probably won't call. But that's okay. I'm still kind of trying to figure out why that is okay but... anyway we came home. I took off my boots and squeezed the water out of my socks and hung them up to dry. We put my boots by the radiator in hopes that they'd be dry by tomorrow and put room temperature water in the tub and I soaked my feet. They started itching like mad and I had a little freak out and probably an anxiety attack and that was probably the worst part of my week. We just sat there on the tub rim crying and rubbing our feet and wondering if the next 4 weeks were just all going to be like that night. You do that at low points I've come to realize. When you can't imagine anything getting better ever. But then they do.

A New Plan

2/11/15--Monday was district meeting. And this was our last dark day. At district meeting SG and I had to report on our 0 simps 0 baptismal dates and 0 baptisms. Other people had 4 simps, 2 simps... even a couple bap dates. Mamba that was the worst. The whole time I was sitting there just comparing myself and that is bad. I think I was on the brink of tears. Wishing I could be one of those companionships with more simps and more miracles. And then, ironically, the meeting was about how to help our simps recognize the Spirit. "Well, if we had a simp..." was how SG and I started all our sentences to each other that day. That night we were finally supposed to have a miracle. A member present lesson with a member family in Viano and their neighbor. We had it all planned out. We were going to leave district meeting and run to the bus and catch a bus home at 1:35 and then one to Crema at 3:15 and then one to Viano at 4:45 and then have a member drive us to Pandino after so we could take the 7:15 bus back to Lodi. As you can tell, we were prepared to travel literally all day to make this lesson. (The public transportation in this area is SO FREAKING ANNOYING. You have to plan like crazy to go anywhere.) Just as we got to Lodi and were waiting for the Crema bus we got a text and she said she was sorry but her friend had cancelled for today. Sorella G was almost in tears. We headed home to do our studies and make a new plan for the day. We ended up taking about our game plan for this next week. And this is it. We have tried the number oriented missionary in the box way of working. And we decided we aren't doing that anymore. We are from here on out just loving the people. We are missionaries. We are disciples of Christ. We are still making goals and numbers and blah but that isn't what we think about when we approach people anymore. We are just gonna do like Jesus. He went to people with the purpose to love. Basta.

Just Loving the People

2/11/15--And here's how yesterday went: We had no appointments. So we went to Crema to try and find this lady we once talked with at a bus stop probably my first week here. In the morning though, we decided to go do a little finding. First miracle. There was sun. C'era sole. Mamma mia did that boost our spirits or what. We then proceeded to talk to several people who were just lovely. Two grandpa-aged men who said, "You're the girls with the helmets, right?" (Later that night on our way home another woman said, "I always see you girls on bikes. You wear the helmets, right?" It's pretty funny. We're pretty cute.) We were able to pray with them. We then met a girl who was on her way to an entrance exam for university. We prayed for her and her test. She was from the Ivory Coast. We then met Jossi. She was literally the sweetest. We approached her nervously because she was dressed nicely and usually people who are dressed nicely are mean but she wasn't. She didn't believe we had a free English class and when we told her about the church she said "I knew you were angels. Cute young angels." She prayed with us and then asked if she could say a prayer for us. She bacied us and said she'd see us Saturday at English class. :) Hopefully she does. We met some other people in centro. We didn't pray with them but they were sweet. A grandma and her grandson. We invited them to English class and the grandma said to her grandson, "Aren't they cute?" and nudged him. He is about 21. Poor guy. He went pretty red. Good times. We then went to Crema and met an African man from Nigeria who was so happy to speak English again. He also said a prayer with us and in his words, "God is great." My sentiments exactly. Martina was the woman we went to go and try to find and she was home! And she let us in! And gave us soda! And let us teach her the Restoration! And also her two sons came in later and want to learn about it next time! And I accidentally bacied her sons! I tried to stick out my hand, but they just go for it... hehe oops. The lesson went well and we invited her to baptism and she said no, but that is okay because she said she'd read the BoM. Also it's okay because we just love her. And that's exactly what Jesus would've done. So tutto bene. On the way home we also met a woman at the bus stop from Albania. She was so nice. I don't know exactly how I am a different missionary now than I was before our resolution of love from Monday, but as I talked with her, I really tried to feel love for her. We gave her a pamphlet and she was engrossed reading it on the way home. She said she works a lot so she probably can't meet but that is okay because I still love her. So...tutto posto. I don't know if we will ever see any of those people again. But I love them. I felt God in the work yesterday.

Just as mom said in her letter last week, God satisfied my soul in drought. Even if it all amounts to nothing, yesterday was perfect because I tried to have better love and more love. And I didn't think about the numbers and the lessons. It was easier. And more rewarding. And it was a reassurance that even if I feel alone and cold and miserable on Thursday, Tuesday will come. And God will show His face again. This is His work. He doesn't forsake me for a minute. He always gives me something or someone to lean on.

Vi voglio bene.

Sorella Sarah