God Is Constant

Here's the newest and latest from Sarah. In this installment, she continues to serve in Trieste with Sorella McMurray. 

 8/5/15

Venice

 So Venezia was amazing. The big piazza Marco was a little underwhelming after Piazza Unità to be honest. Wow. That sounds so spoiled. But eh. It's true. I live in the best city in Italy. But I think the best part of Venezia is just all the streets that are tiny and twisty and make NO SENSE (we got so lost so many times) that weave through the city and have bridges that hop over the canal every now and then. It is seriously a magical city. I hope I can go again next transfer. There are TONS of tourists but I could speak Italian and all the store owners thought we were way cool cause of that. I bought a mask. :) When I got to Venezia I was like, dang it, these are all just mass produced masks that are overpriced (basically like the ones we already have from the Shakespeare festival) so I was like, nah, I won't buy one. But then we were walking through the twisty streets and there was this one mask shop with this old guy making the masks by hand and we stepped in to have a look. All the masks in the shop were made by him and his colleague and they were all different. But they were also twenty euro. But I was like, I probably will only be in Venezia once in my life. Gotta do it. So I bought this really beautiful mask. A lot of the masks made in Venezia have Vivaldi music paper mâchéd on it. So I got a mask with Vivaldi violin music on it (it had the fingerings, that is how I could tell) and the rest is just burgundy and gold. And it is just really pretty. Hehe. I'm sure that whole description just had you all on the edge of your seats. Whoops. I also bought a small leather purse (Sorry cows. I feel bad. But it is small.) that was made in Firenze (land of leather) and some Venezia-Murano glass earrings. So yeah. I'm set. 

Train Ride into Trieste

Then we had a scambio with the sorelle in Mestre and I was with Sorella Palmer who is from Northern Australia (Great Barrier Reef) and we had so much fun. On the two hour train ride back to Trieste all the windows in the train were rolled down so it was too loud to talk. And there wasn't anyone in our car so we got all nice and situated in our seats and lounged on the chairs and looked out the window for two hours. Just traveling the country side with grape fields and small towns tucked away on the coast of the Adriatic Sea. I realized about half way through that this might be my last trip into Trieste if I get transferred next transfer. So I took out my camera and recorded the part where we blast out of the tunnel into Narnia. Man I almost started crying. I never want to leave this city. I love it so much. It was a super tranquil train ride. I'm going to miss these train rides too. Italy is too beautiful to leave.

Mara and the Madonna

So in things with Mara took a bit of a turn this week. We went into the lesson with her this week and asked her how she was doing and she said that she actually wasn't doing too well recently. She said that a few nights ago she had a dream that the Madonna was standing in front of her with arms open, crying and asking her why she was leaving. The Madonna has been a huge part of Mara's life. Once she was really sick and prayed to the Madonna to ask her to heal her, and then when she was healed she attributed it all to Maria. And from that day onward, she has had a very strong relationship with her. Which is understandable. A lot of people, especially missionaries, are really...ugly about Catholicism. A lot of them are like, "Wow, they worship Maria, they are so stupid, like, that is so dumb." And then there is me over here wishing that we had a Madonna equivalent in our church. I mean, she basically symbolizes fierce motherly love and selflessness. Who wouldn't want that? But yeah, as soon as she said that, I knew it was going to be a hard lesson not only for her, but also for me. We began with a prayer, I was saying the prayer out loud, but the whole time I was saying a prayer just for myself that I could receive temporal and spiritual light and strength and testimony in order to teach this lesson. Because at this point I had absolutely no idea what I would say to her. Her attachment to Maria makes perfect sense to me and I did not and do not feel comfortable telling her that she cannot have a spiritual relationship with her when she has received so much goodness and light from her. Even praying to her, yeah, we are only supposed to pray to God, but, I dunno, I think my heavenly mother wants to hear from me sometimes too. But anyway, for Mara, the Madonna is the closest thing to a celestial woman that she has found in the scriptures. It makes sense that Mara would want to talk to her. So I have been trying really hard to not say anything that I don't believe on my mission and so after the prayer I just bore my testimony and said that I don't know the answers to everything and I don't know why we can't pray to Maria or Jesus or other saints like Peter...I did say that I trusted God -- which I do -- and I said that I believe that he will lead her on the path that He wants her to take if she asks.

Things got harder when she asked why it hardly mentions women in the Book of Mormon. She said, even in the bible there are more women. True. She didn't like that. We didn't have an answer besides the culture of the time was different and basically everyone was sexist. Then she asked us about women leadership in the church and we told her about the Relief Society presidency and the YW and Primary presidencies. She said, "Wait, there are dozens of leaders that are men and only a few that are women?" I think that is when I started crying. It was like I was weakly facing the personification of the surface value of my worst and hardest doubts. It was horrible. I hated it. More questions were being asked and I was fighting not to hop over next to Mara and start asking questions myself and trying to put my bap date back too. Luckily my companion is a little less conflicted than me and said some stuff that I couldn't say but it pacified Mara a bit.

In the end we invited her to pray and fast to know how to manage the situation and know what God wants her to do. It could be that she will be fine with abandoning the relationship she has with Maria. God might inspire her with a middle ground in which she won't feel that she is abandoning anyone, but she won't be worshiping Maria either. Or she might feel that she can't give up the truths that she believes and she won't end up getting baptized. For now, she said that she will continue to read the LdM and pray but that basically her baptismal date is on hold. She did say that she didn't think we met each other by chance though. She said that "maybe the reason we met is so that I could start reading the LdM." Heck, I dunno maybe that is the only reason she met us.

Silvia

Anyway, we had another lesson with Silvia the woman from Peru and it went really well. She is so happy to have found the church again. She has a SUPER crazy story. Basically, her boyfriend literally stole her son. He went into their school one day, burnt the eye of her sister, took the boy, went to the airport, and flew to Italy. There was an investigation and everything in Peru and she has all these newspaper clippings and videos from the news and stuff. It was crazy. Anyway, the case was just dropped when she came to Italy a year ago and she doesn't know why. And her being a foreigner makes it really hard for Italian law to recognize her. But yeah. her ex is literally a wanted criminal in Peru, but because she is a foreigner and he is Italian, he has major custody of their son here in Italy. It is really sad. She has been really stressed out ever since that day and she is 39 but looks a lot older because of all the stress. I feel so....I feel like she is my sister. I love her a lot and I want to see all this work out for her. But she said that she has felt so alone since she got to Italy a year ago but since she came to church last Sunday she has felt like she has a family. We had our ward mission leader with us at the lesson who is a single 35-year-old guy and he was like, "You do have a family here. We'll take care of you." And she just started crying and now I want them to get married. Cause they are both so so bravi. But yeah, she is so devoted to her son, she is sacrificing so much for him right now. Her life in Peru was perfect. So she is just amazing.

God Is Constant

Other than that the week was about normal. There is usually one day every week that is just death. And that was yesterday. It started out with me having another faith tumbling moment during personal study, but then we walked downstairs to head out for the morning and I there was a postcard from Gwen in the mail slot. Which was such a perfect thing to find that morning. It was just a small little note that said I was brave and that when she saw this postcard (with a painting of a tree in the moonlight) she thought of the story when I woke up to the moonlight on my bed. She told me to remember that and to remember her love and God's love for me.  Honestly I cannot think of a better moment for that to have come to me. It wasn't a grand declaration of belief or faith. It was just a small reminder from her and from God that I'm not deserted out here. That He loves me and His eyes are still on me. More than anything on my mission, that is what brings me the most comfort. No matter how confused and conflicted I feel, God is constant in His love for me. And he is mindful, aware, and precise in the way He takes care of his children. So that note was a huge show of His love and awareness of me right now during these more difficult times. But it was also a little bit of a preparation for the day ahead which only got worse. We felt like everyone and their dog (literally) were getting mad at us or being really mean and hurtful to us. People who we had appointments with, men on the streets telling us we were heretics and yelling in our faces, people telling us we were always late and needed to not be such teenagers and show up on time for once, people saying we needed to take an Italian class, people at English class telling us we needed to take an English class...it was just not a good day. But at the end of it all...there's always the A/C apartment, the Chex Mix (ohmygoshsogoodthankyoooou), a glass of coke, some Rachmaninoff, and an Ikea bed. So things could be worse.

Grotta Gigante

And today we went to Grotta Gigante which is the largest cave in the world!!!! Just kidding, it is not. [Editor's note: It actually was the largest tourist cave in the world until 2010.] But it is the largest cave in some large-ish geographical area. Anyway, it was grand, it was cold, we got to wear pants, we took a million selfies, and we ate some yummy sandwiches. Another great pday for the Trieste sorelle. 

"Caving? Yes. Grotta Gigante? Yes.

Fake glasses? Also yes. I'm officially a poser."

While we were waiting for the bus to go back there was this guy and his older friend talking about gun legislation in America right now and I couldn't hear much of it without looking like an eavesdropper, but just the whole day made me feel like I was at a family reunion--normal clothes, lots of pictures on Apple products (Aunt Eliza), some hiking-like activity, young German kids running around and parents trying to prevent any of them from dying (The Van Dam kids/Jeffery) and then to top it off, two guys talking about politics (Uncle Dave and Dad). I may have missed the Bear Lake reunions, but I got my own Italian surrogate experience.

8/12/15

Silvia and Evolution

So not much happened this week. It is really hot outside, we are always sweating, members are always telling us that we can't go outside cause it ain't safe and we are like haha. But this week I actually felt for once that it was a good thing that I was on mission and not someone else cause...well, story. So one of our very few appointments this week was with Silvia. She hasn't come to church in a while and while she was less active she heard some nasty things in Peru about the church and evolution. She studied biology at the U of U and so she asked very tentatively during a lesson if the church had a stance on evolution. I hesitate to say anything when people bring up evolution or women and the priesthood or gay marriage or any such thing, but no one was saying anything so I just was like well, the church doesn't have an official stance on evolution. And then no one was saying anything any because....touchy. And then I was just like, freak, imma say what I want cause I know she wants to hear it anyway. So then I was just like, "And for me, just Sorella Christensen speaking here, I believe in evolution. I believe that God and science can both exist. But that is just me." She literally sighed and her face just lit up. She then went on to say that a lot of the reason she went less active was because after she got her degree in biology she got a lot of flack in Peru and was told all sorts of nasty things. And I was just like, there are members who don't believe in evolution, but we can all get along. Anyway, I was really happy that I was there. Lil non orthodox Mormon me. To help out my fellow evolutionary believing Mormon buddy. After that I think my comp and the member with us were really uncomfortable seeing two liberal Mormons bonding and forming a friendship and so there was a lot of, "but you still have to pray to know the true answer to anything" and "the doctrine of God will never change." But she was sitting there smiling with the new assurance that she wasn't a bad Mormon because of her degree. It was a good feeling to be able to help her in a way that maybe only a few missionaries in the whole mission could. I don't know how generally accepted evolution is among the younger generation because I usually avoid asking, but I feel like it is still a little touchy and edgy even for 20-year-old Mormon kids.

Mara

The Mara situation is getting really complicated. We had a lesson with her this week and we told her the quote from GBHinkley (thanks mom) and after that she just said, "Yeah, I can't leave the Madonna. I just can't. I'm sorry. And if that means I can't get baptized then I won't get baptized." So she doesn't have a bap date anymore. But she still wants to meet with us and read the LdM and stuff. And she still wants to come to church when she can. But as we were explaining the situation to members or missionaries, I got all the answers that I dreaded getting. Members and missionaries have all been advising us on how to help her and they either say I just have to be hard with her and tell her how it is and she has to give up the fantasy of the Madonna (which I was actually really offended when the member got all up in my face and was like "because she don't have ANY POWER. NONE.") or they try to tell me to go the domino testimony way--"Have a lesson about the BoM and then lead that to a lesson on Joseph Smith and then she'll just agree with everything in the church cause that is how it will happen." This is hard.

Ferragosto

We don't have a lot of work to really do right now in Trieste. It is pretty slow especially with everyone on vacation. There is a holiday here called "Ferragosto." It is an older holiday than Christmas and everyone and their dog goes to the beach. But not Trieste beach sadly. Like Rimini or Croatia or Greece or whatever. Anyway, the point is aside from me and my spiritual journeyings, not much is happening over here...But Italy is as nice a place as any to head through some deep spiritual journeys. And maybe I'll eventually run into someone who needs my views. Maybe not. 

Takin' It Like a Good Disciple

Another funny story, I was telling a member that I was raised vegetarian this week and she was like "I didn't know you were a convert!" And then I was like "I'm not" and then she went on this spiel about how we aren't supposed to forbid others to eat meat and yadda yadda ya and I was just sitting there takin' it like a good disciple of Christ, remembering how much I missed gospel doctrine classes Utah.

Tayryn

We saw my favorite person yesterday. The one who is really sick all the time because the doctors did all those terrible things to her. Anyway, I don't know if you remember her but she is wonderful. She went to Rome for a Muse concert (she loves Muse, another reason to love her) and then she got sick down there and ended up staying two weeks longer than planned. So I haven't seen her all transfer and I don't know if I’m going to stay or leave (we find out transfer stuff this Saturday) and I just was so excited for this appointment all week. We read "Living the Gospel with Joy (or something like that...it was in Italian) by Pres. Uchtdorf from October 2014 and it was so good. I was reading that talk during personal study one morning and I immediately thought of Tayryn even though she was in Rome and I wasn't really reading it for anyone but myself. It ended up being perfect for her and she was just crying and reading it and feeling better about everything. She took screen shots of the talk and wrote it down on her phone and iPad and a piece of paper so that she couldn't lose the talk title. I made me really happy that I had helped someone for whom I feel God's love. Basically that is all I want to do anymore.

8/19/15

Transfer News

First off transfer news! I'm staying with McMurray here in Trieste!! We were both so excited and relieved when we found out that we both started crying a little. Man I'm so happy. A little piece of me is going to straight up die when I leave Trieste. Or I guess that little piece will just linger on the edge of pier and wait for me to come back. That sentence makes me want to cry tears of sappy-ness.

Ferragosto and Mother Nature

So the week itself was pretty darn slow. This week was Ferragosto which I think I told you a bit about it last week but basically everyone goes on vacation. Like everyone. And all the stores are closed. The morning of Ferragosto we had an appointment with a less active and the rest of the day we walked around the city and saw maybe 20 people the whole day. It was a ghost town. So it was either really hot and everyone was at the beach, or it was raining and everyone was inside. So yeah. It was a slow week. Although the rain brought me so much joy. One night there was crazy thunderstorm. We were lying in bed and we were listening to it outside and then we decided to open up our blinds and we were just lying there as crack after crack split the darkness with static light. There was so much lightning that it was almost like a strobe light. It was like Mother Nature’s version of a formidable disco tecco. 'Twas grand. And then it has been raining off and on for the past couple days which keeps it cooler. I was even able to wear a sweater the other day. I think I was a little too eager and overdid it with a full on sweater but I've never been more happy to sweat all day long. Plus, I mean, colpa dell'aria.

One scary side effect of Ferragosto is that a lot of our appointments canceled. We haven't seen Mara for almost two weeks and she isn't answering our texts or calls anymore. Patrizia hasn't been to church in three weeks even though we always invite her and she always says she will come. Sometimes even members send her a text on Saturday night to invite her to church but she hasn't showed in a while. She too, hasn't been answering our calls. So that is as much of an update as I can give on them.

Less-Active Work

So we did a bit of less active work this week and things are going okay. Tayryn is really sick still from her Rome trip so we went over to clean her house that hasn't really been cleaned in five weeks. She is such a wonderful human. Gah. I love her. Then we went to Maria's house to help her clean her house too and I saw her naked again, nothing new. And Silvia is doing okay. Things with her son haven't gotten any better; they are actually getting kind of worse because her ex is telling her son lies and/or twisting the truth to make Silvia look bad. Whenever her son is able to come over he says things like, "I don't love you anymore because you want to take me back to Peru" or "I don't love you because Dad has to pay for lawyers because of you and he can't buy me toys." And the dad is getting mad because the charges from Peru have FINALLY arrived and he has to answer a bunch of documents and stuff. It is really complicated and we are worried that if things don't work out well it will kill Silvia and she won't know how to move on. I have never felt more useless than in lessons with her. I have a bad habit of loving people who are in situations that I can't comprehend and when they turn to me for comfort and guidance I realize that I'm way WAY over my head. We told her that she needs to find some time every day to take for herself. A few nights ago for FHE at the church she came with her fingernails painted sparkles pink. Nail polish has never made me so happy. I was gushing about how cute she looked. Also she is super cool. She reminds me of Jen Nielson. I was talking to her about biology and insects and plant properties and stuff and she is so smart and cool and I just want everything to work out for her. Also it is really cute cause her son likes biology too (he is five) and when she gets to see him they usually go to the park next to her apartment, collect insects and water samples and then go home and look at the insects and tiny water creatures through a microscope. She is such a good mom.

Well, that is it for this week! Love you all heaps!

Sarah