Wonderland

Here's the newest and latest from Sarah. In this installment, she says goodbye to Trieste and begins her time in Varese with Sorella Sharp.

10/7/15

Varese! Sorella Sharp! La Romana! Brandon Davies! Hey, things are really good here. Like I'm doing great considering I was devastated to leave Trieste and my comp and my district and the ward.

Goodbyes

Backing up really quick though. I'm going to keep this short cause you already got the really-depressed-leaving-city letter last week but saying goodbyes to the sea was straight up heck. I was whizzing past it for four minutes and then when the last vista came I just felt overwhelming gratitude that I was able to serve here and be here and live here for so long. And then we went into the tunnel and it was over. And I started crying a little. Just two little tears. And my Trieste family all looked at me and knew I needed it. Saying goodbye to McMurray was really hard too. I dropped her off in Vicenza to pick up her new comp and we hugged at the door of the train and then I got back on and she was crying and I was too sad to cry...I don't know why I didn't cry actually. I was really really sad and scared though. But then I climbed back up and she walked away from the train crying and I had my forehead leaned against the window watching her as the train pulled away. Then me and Horne and Jarome Ramirez (who I knew in High School) were on the train and we talked and had a grand old time ignoring the fact that in a few hours we would have to say goodbye. We got to Milano Centrale. (I missed that place SO MUCH.) It was good to be back in Milano actually. Kind of feels like home. And we saw Harbin and his lil greenie who is from Arizona. So Horne was happy about that. Apparently everyone from Arizona is chill. I got to see Slla Hawks which was good and I got to talk to some people from my MTC group. And then Harbin had to go and I said goodbye to him and that was super hard and then I had to go and I said goodbye to Horne and that was just the worst. And then I went to Varese which has been so so good.

Varese

But back to current news. First, Slla Sharp is SO GREAT and I feel like I'm with a really good friend when we are together. She is amazing and hilarious and a good worker and things are going to be great here. She is from Idaho Falls and has three other siblings. Oh, she "I'm a Mormon"-profile stalked me before I got here and she was like "You like Lord of the Rings and Pride and Predjudice! This is gonna be goooood!" So yeah, I'm not too worried about that anymore. I don't know how I keep lucking out with really great Sorelle when there are so many crazies around. Two other GREAT THINGS. One, they have a La Romana here. The first night I went there to get my favorite gelato ever, biscotto della nonna and I was dying. I've missed it so much. Also there is a SUPER good kebab place right next to our house so that is not a good thing. Actually I love it. It is a great thing. They didn't really have kebab in Lodi and Trieste. Not good ones anyway. Oh, also, I get falafel in my kebab and then it is delicious. So that is how that works. So I haven't met the ward yet cause of conference, but apparently Brandon Davies (bball player from BYU when Jimmer was around) plays for one of the best European league bball teams which happens to be in Varese. So he and his wife live here and they come to church when it isn't bball season. So that is cool.

Shivering Cold

Last thing about Varese and then I'll move on. I got here and it was COLD. Like shivering. And our house doesn't have heaters. But apparently the heating might come through the floors? I don't know. Rumors. I sure hope so, cause if not then I will be sleeping in the winter coat I bought. So yeah, I got here, it was freezing and then we went home and I was still freezing and then studies the next morning I was wrapped up in blankets but it was still freezing and then I put on my coat from last year and I don't know how I made it through all of last winter in that coat. It totally blows. It is so thin. Barely thicker than my rain jacket. Anyway I was like freak that and we went to Zara and bought me a 100 euro coat for, wait for it, 60 euro. And it be tots adorbs. So yeah. I wear that 24/7 now. It is always on in the house and I drape it over me as I sleep below blankets and comforters. But do you know what winter means? Well I will tell you what it means on the mission for Sarah. That's right, no shaving and no doing my hair for five months. Can I hear a HALLA? But things are good here. It is a college town so it is pretty big but it has one of the most adorable centri I've ever seen. Seriously this place is going to be perfect for Christmas. Oh also, I can hear bells again from the apartment :) yeah, God loves me. I've missed the bells. 

General Conference

General conference was so good for me. I loved, as I'm sure many of you did, the first talk by Uchtdorf. He didn't even wait. It was just the very very first talk. I was writing down impressions and questions to study later. The other talks were good too and I felt like a lot of them talked about not giving up on the church. Hey-o me n the old ship Zion aren't quite finished yet. Of course, there were also things that I didn't really like all that much, slight references and such, but, eh, it is like that one talk said by that one guy, if you look for the fault in the leaders you will find it, but you will also find God's hand in what they do. And I did see that a lot this weekend.

The Church Needs Me

Also with Nelson's talk. Memma. I was tearing up the whole time and then when he plead with us to step forward and promised that as we did this that the Holy Ghost would amplify our power in a way it never has been amplified...I just felt, I wrote this down in my notes, "I feel, in this moment, that the church needs me."  Absolutely beautiful. That is what I wanted to get from conference. Not only feeling like I still needed the church, but that I wasn't just a charity case and that the church needed me too. And the talks by Uchtdorf, Holland, and Nelson really helped me with that.

Connie

So we have a deaf investigator and Slla Hogan (who trained Slla Sharp) could speak sign language. Well ASL and our investigator speaks Spanish Sign Language (whyaretheydifferent) but luckily I learned the alphabet in 1st grade or something and so I can sign in Italian to her and we can write down stuff and use Google translate and it is actually really hard and stressful but...eh...at least I know a little bit of sign. That is a blessing.

Creepy Men

Also so so many creepy men. Like I don't know what it is about Varese but the men here are unbelievable. They will just stare you down and holler and whistle and yell "Sorella" and "Bella" and I've already had a few freaky run-ins with drunk men and yikes. We were on a bus once and this guy came up to me and was like "ciao santa" (like, holy. Not like St. Nick) and then I could smell the alcohol. So I didn't really talk to him. But then our bus stop came and we got off and he got off behind us and I was like "WUT IS HAPPENING" and then Sharp was like, "Hurry." Which really freaked me out and then as we were speed walking away he was yelling, like screaming out, "arrivederci" at the top of his lungs. Apparently he kissed the Sorella here before me. So I'll have to stay attentive haha. These Varese men are so lacking in shame it is impressive and kind of scary sometimes.

10/14/15

Zone Conference

Zone conference was okay. I just have discovered that I don't really like missionaries all the much in general. Like on an individual level they can be okay but when you get a big group of them together they become really narrow minded, self righteous, and immature. Basically like any big group of people who have strong similar beliefs. There were calls of "dunk 'em!" which has always made my stomach squirm when missionaries say that about baptisms. Or talking about cathedrals and people being all like "Yeah, the devil is gooood. He makes cathedrals really enticing" which just made me embarrassed and really grateful there weren't any Catholics around.  I honestly just felt really uncomfortable and almost started crying cause as Jack Black would say "Step offff! Step offff!" But all joking aside it was not a zone conference that I walked away from feeling spiritually uplifted.

Luckily Dad's letter came to the rescue. I didn't have time on Pday to read his and so on the train ride home I was able to pull that out and read his thoughts as well as the Terryl Givens talk he sent me. Reading talks doesn't change the problem necessarily, but it gives me confidence that I'm not the only one who recognizes the uncomfortable paradox of testimonies of unwavering conviction. So reading the end of that talk made me feel really good and less alone. Anyway, thanks, Dad, for the letter and the talk :) it was a good train ride that I had with you.

Book of Mormon Project

Recognizing that I would have to deal with my spiritual well being a little differently this transfer I have decided to read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover while writing down all of my thoughts and impressions in a separate journal. All of them. As honestly and as bluntly as I possibly can. I am at 20 pages of writing and have only read the title page and the introduction. It has been an amazing outlet for me so far and I believe will help me scrape off layer by layer the hesitations and conflictions I have so that I can get down to the heavy cream of my testimony which I believe is still down there. It has just been covered up and slightly suffocated by all the more raw, new materials on the surface. So yeah. I'll be good.

Retirement Center

In happier news, I had an amazing experience at a retirement center type place this week. We met this guy at the station and he asked us if we could come to the....I actually don't know what it is. But old people go hang out there all day and do computer classes, dance classes, gym classes, language classes, and all sorts of things. So we were like sure sounds like a good time. We met him at the station and he was so adorable. He reminded be a lot of Gpa Moody and Mom. Super nice and funny and loves people and loves to tell people about little details that maybe don't matter too much but are mildly interesting none the less and then sometimes quizzes you on them later. But yeah, he was great. He took us to get pastries for breakfast and then we went to the center and met all the old people. We danced downstairs for a bit and learned a couple forms of the Sicilian cha cha cha and that was a party to dance with a lot of elderly people in their dance get ups. But my absolute favorite part was when he took us upstairs into a room with a bunch of old people just sitting around. They weren't particularly talkative with each other but as soon as we walked in all their faces lit up and we started walking around them and greeting them. I don't know what exactly happened but as I touched the hand of the first woman named Agatha and she pulled me in immediately to kiss my cheeks, I had this overwhelming desire to sit down with her, and with each one of them and let them tell me their life story. And then they were touching my face and my hands and I couldn't stop smiling and then I started tearing up. They were beautiful and gentle and had so much love for God. One of them excitedly told me that Mass was tomorrow morning and she couldn't wait. How could God not be proud of his 90-year-old daughter who anticipates her Catholic Mass like Christmas? There was such a tangible fount of wisdom and love and sadness and experience and knowledge in that room that I just felt so much love for these people. All the way to my stomach. And that is what is beautiful about the spirit. The spirit can love incredibly deeply even when the mind shouldn't be able to love at all yet. We are going back. It's okay if we never baptize any of these people or teach them about the restoration and Joseph Smith. As long as they know that I love Jesus and I love them, that is enough to convey the message I want to get across to people on my mission.

Defending Mother Teresa

We had a delicious (wowsogood) dinner appointment with some members and one of their friends who has had a few of the lessons taught to her. The members are great and I love them and they are super nice but things turned ugly fast when they started going about in a really not good way telling her that she needed to stop praying to saints and start praying to God in the name of Jesus like it says in the Bible. All three of them were really talkative and I, being the newbee, didn't know how to go about breaking up the religious fight. Sometimes I feel like that is why I was sent on my mission. Sigh. But I really couldn't stand it when they started dissing on Mother Teresa though. Like, ain't nobody gonna smack talk her in front of me. I go ape shiz. They said that she experienced that time of spiritual darkness because she was still praying to saints and not to God and because of that, God was holding back His spirit. I was just like, ho'd the freaking phone. I don't know all the answers but all I know is that I have always prayed to God in the name of Jesus and there are times in my life where He is still distant and far, and I don't know why that is. And then I ranted a little bit about how Mother Teresa is freaking dope and an amazing person and how I believe that God worked through her to bless His children. I don't know how I did it but both Laura and the members were nodding at everything I was saying so I guess I safely and diplomatically avoided saying anything to offend anyone too badly. Those lessons are exhausting mentally and emotionally because I feel like I'm defending the weak guy and have to hold back my own members and then I leave really confused and conflicted about what I'm doing here. Naja. It was easier when I couldn't follow the dinner conversations. #wishiwaslearningfinnish

Learning Sign Language

So I'm learning sign language. But not ASL. SSL. Spanish Sign Language. So that will be really useful. So remember our deaf simp Connie? So we were in church together and she was reading the gospel doctrine lesson in Spanish and kept pointing at the words and then showing me the signs for them. Which was hard for a couple reasons, one, she was signing really fast, and two, I don't speak Spanish too well yet. Like I could understand the main ideas and stuff and most of what was written but she kept pointing at words and then signing them and I was like "I don't know what -blank- means" but I would just nod, repeat the sign and go with it. It was really confusing jumping between English with the anziani's African investigator, Italian with the members, SSL with Connie, and Spanish with the manual and the family from El Salvador. (There are South Americans in the ward! So happppy!) (Oh also Brandon Davies and his wife came to sacrament meeting and listened to my testimony in Italian and then they left but yeah. I'm famous by the associative property.) Anyway, after the two hours of gospel doctrine and relief society I was getting pretty good at understanding her and I can now say a few things including "The family can be eternal," "Russia is beautiful," and "I hate Satan." So that is good. I feel like I have the most important things covered. 

Italian Winter Dreamland

So today for p day we went to this little paesino (surrounding town outside of the bigger cities) called Luino cause on Wednesday there is a huge market (second biggest in Italy, second only to the market in Firenze). The bus ride up was straight up magical. Winding roads that hug the Alps, all the mountains taking off their green summer jackets to sport their red and orange sweaters, and little paesini tucked in all the corners and nooks of the folding mountain faces. Oh, and a huge crystal blue lake at the base of the mountains that was breathlessly silent and still--reflecting the mountains that floated above it. Seriously I was almost in tears. And then we drove past the Lindt chocolate factory and this other beautiful factory that was cute and yellow and resembled Willy Wonka. And then I really was in tears. Just kidding. I was enjoying it too much on the way up to take pics and on the way back down it was a wee bit too sunny, but I'll try to head up there again and get killer pics a different day. Trieste was beautiful in its own eastern rebellious way, but here, like Dad said, it feels like a northern Italian winter dreamland. I'm going to be just fine here in the winter.  

Luino's Market

The market haha oh man. I was on cloud nine. Well, so at the beginning my comp was buying bags and sweaters and I was like eh, ain't my cup o' tea. Also I have a surplus of all those things. But then we turned a corner and I stepped on cloud nine as Italians were offering me cheeses from Parma, oils and vinegars from Modena, sun dried tomatoes and olives from Sicilia, and breads and dolci from Napoli. I thought I was doing real good on not spending money...and then I wanted lunch. As my comp was buying clothes and bags across the way, I was feeling like a fatty tasting everything I was offered and talking with all the cheese makers about where the cheese was from and how old it actually was, chatting with the specialties man about "how much al kilo were the olives?" and yelling at the bakery man with the Napolitano accent about how many pistachio biscotti I wanted and how thick I wanted my chunk of pane siciliano to be. Oh man. With my bag full of Italian cheese and olives and breads and cookies I went with my comp to sit at the windy lake's edge and indulge on the things I'll miss most about this place. And then I accidentally bought a three euro Coke. So obviously we had to have a photo shoot with it, ya know, to get my money's worth. It was one of the best afternoons.

Tofu

Last thing: I FOUND TOFU. AND I COOKED IT AND ATE IT AND IT WAS DELICIOUS. SO SO HAPPY. IT WAS LIKE THREE EURO FOR ONE CUBE BUT I DIDNT EVEN CARE. I FELT LIKE I WAS BACK AT HOME WITH YOU GUYS <3

10/20/15

Minimum Friction

I have actually come up with a name for my game plan when confronted with insensitive comments or actions. Whether they are made by general authority, mission president, gypsy, companion, member, friend, or STL. A battle cry of sorts, what have you: Minimum Friction. Whenever someone says something or does something that just makes me want to pull out all my eyebrow hairs and eyelashes and I am thiiiis close to pushing back or lashing out, I just say "Minimum Friction, Sarah. Minimum Friction." in my head. It's been working just peachy so far.

Valzer

We went to that old folks home again and were able to talk to people upstairs for a long time. We heard all these crazy stories and helped old people draw pictures and got spit on quite a bit. I loved it. And then the dance instructor downstairs asked if we would come down to help with the dances. I think people thought I could dance which was really funny until they made me dance. This time it wasn't a line dance it was like a couples dance so I danced with this old guy named Luigi and it was this really easy dance but it was still rather hard for me. Then I sat down and was talking with all these old ladies and they were so cute, "Wow, you did such a good job!" "Is this really your first time dancing?" And then they started doing a harder dance. It was a "valzer" which I'm assuming translates to "waltz" but I know nothing about dance so it very well could've been something entirely different. But anyway I was watching all these old folks waltz around in their dancing shoes and it was one of the cutest things I have ever seen. And then this guy walked over to me and was like "I'm going to teach you how to dance this one" and I was like "in bocca al lupo" Which is how they say "good luck" sarcastically and he got a kick out of that. Anyway he was teaching me how to do this valzer thing and the first time around I was stepping all over everyone's feet. Which is weird cause there were only four of them. And then the second time around I was getting better and then the song ended and he was like, "again!" And I was like "okay!" And then I got really good that time (cioè, I didn't step on anyone's feet) and then at the end of that song the DANCE INSTRUCTOR came over and was like, "Now I'M going to teach you how to dance." And the whole room bust up. I was kind of like the guest celebrity on so you think you can dance. Anyway we went around again and he was like "Stand straighter! Don't look down! Arch your back! Longer steps!" And then the people sitting on the outskirts started correcting me too. "Don't look at his feet! Just look at me! *big toothless smile*" I was their project and they were dead set on me learning this valzer thing. At the end of my turn with the instructor everyone burst into applause and then I did a little curtsy and that just really killed em. They were laughing and clapping and pinching my cheeks and I left the room trailing clouds of glory. So when I get home I will teach you all the valzer. Whatever that is.

Lago Maggiore

So this place is wonderland. Like really. There is this lake, Lago Maggiore, and it wraps around the province of Varese. (That was the lake at Luino.) This week we had an appointment with this older member called Onelia and she had a super funky personality and you could tell that when she was younger she had a really spunky attitude -- a real sass bucket. She was telling us the story of how she met her husband and it was a crack up. I don't have time to write it all out now but suffice it to say that he had to fight hard to get her and was very forward and then the fifth time he saw her was the day they got married. But ANYWAY, this member lives in Laveno which is another heaven city on the shore of Lago Maggiore. After the appointment we had an hour and a half before the next train and so...well we saw these little buckets that were going up the mountain and we were like, maybe they take people and maybe there is a beautiful view at the top. So we just winded around the enchanting city until we found this rickety ol cabin that had a painted sign of these buckets on it. And so we walked in, absentmindedly paid ten euro to some guy with a beard at a cash register and were kind of shoved into these tiny open air buckets "wait what is happening..." "Ok arrivederci!" "Oh...oh? Oh...okay, ciao!" Barely big enough for two people. And up and off we went. It was basically like a ski lift but much more rickety and much steeper. Man was it steep and we were up HIGH. Dad would've been vomiting. Slla Sharp was freaking out (with reason. I don't think the buckets had been technically controlled since the 70s) but I was having a jiggy time taking pictures of THE AMAZING VIEW. You could see all of Lago Maggiore from the top of the mountain. And apparently on a clear day you can see the Matterhorn. Cioè, THE FREAKING ALPS. It was windy and freezing and holding the cold chrome metal of the iPad hurt my hands near the end of the twenty minute assent, but it was seriously....just breathtaking.

Re Silvio

So we visit this other older member who has only been a member for a few years. He lives alone but we have special permission to visit him. His name is Silvio but we call him Re Silvio (King Silvio). He is a hoot AND a holler. He was a member of the fascist party when Mussolini was around, is an avid opera lover and used to sing himself in years past, and he loves coffee and wine. I'm not actually sure how he got baptized but he just is like, "yes yes the word of wisdom is important but I'm almost dead anyway! A health code doesn't serve me! Hahaha!" He is just so jolly and lovable and loves God so much that you would have to have a heart of stone to take away his coffee and wine. Last time he showed us all of his old opera vinyls from the 70s and gave us expired chocolate and pastries filled with rum-cream. We ate them with a smile on our faces and love in our hearts. Good ol Re Silvio. He always watches from his window and waves goodbye to us as we disappear down the street. There is something about him, even though he is by no means a perfect person or a perfect Mormon...I don't know. He just feels like Christlike love and goodwill.

Not Hum Drum

Other than that the week was just hum drum. We are heading up to Milano today (ooo those sentences together just made me feel so....ungrateful and dirty and blinded by monotony. No week is ever hum drum! I'm in freaking Italy! I'm sorry! I take it back!) mainly to eat Luini's. Well, that is my motivation. Slla Sharp wants to buy a dress. Haha, I am seeing a pattern: my refined comp is motivated by fine clothing and her primitive side kick is motivated by succulent spoils. #MEWANTFOOD 

Statemi bene. Fate la brava.

Sarah 

"I saw George Clooney today. Okay I didn't. But I'm sure he is lurking somewhere around here. #como."

"Laveno and me are tight. And cold."