Dreaming with My Eyes Open

Sarah continues serving in Lodi with Sorella Yonk. In this edition she sits with a beggar on the steps of Lodi's cathedral, sees a heart instantly transformed, meets a woman who wants to be baptized, and uses her Italian heels to get out of a pinch.

4/1/15

Mona

So I went on scambio to Pavia with Sorella Warren from my MTC group, and Sorella Yonk and Gluck (from Northern Germany Michael!) were going to go see Mona like we'd planned at the train station. But apparently she called Sorella Yonk on Friday afternoon and said that she couldn't make it, but that she wanted to meet us again later this week. We told her that we couldn't see her until her parents signed a form saying it was okay. She was like, "But I need another LdM!" "What?" Apparently after we left her with the Italian LdM and the really long lesson she went up to her apartment and started reading. She said she was in the middle of 1 Nephi when her dad came in, took the book and now she can't find it. And he won't let her call us from their phone. She was calling from a friend's phone at school. It broke my heart honestly. Especially seeing that she had tried so hard so many times and that her parents were just so closed to everything. So I came back from scambio with that story waiting me and it really...I took a hit. I thought at least if we can't teach her she can read and study by herself. Anyway, we gave her the lds.org site to go look up if she wanted. And Sorella Yonk told her to keep asking her parents and if they ever let up, to give us a call. My Mona. I'm still praying for her and her parents.

I Have Faith

But we also got the news that Nico (not Nicolo, my bad) could meet with us on Sunday night!

Right before we went to the lesson I had a little mini breakdown. My heart was out on the table and I was really worried that he wouldn't show or that his wife would hate it or...that he would be another Mona. But then Sorella Yonk said, "Let's read a scripture." She's great. :) She flipped open to Mormon 9: 20-21 [And the reason why he ceaseth to do miracles among the children of men is because that they dwindle in unbelief, and depart from the right way, and know not the God in whom they should trust. Behold, I say unto you that whoso believeth in Christ, doubting nothing, whatsoever he shall ask the Father in the name of Christ it shall be granted him; and this promise is unto all, even unto the ends of the earth.] I read it and said, "Alright let's do this!" We got on our bikes and the whole way there I was singing that primary song that...can't remember who wrote it but it's like "I have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. I have faith He will guide me with His light, though my eyes have not seen Him and I have not heard His voice, I have faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ." [Editor's note: Janice Kapp Perry's "I Have Faith"] I was really trying hard to have faith so that a miracle could happen. And God totally pulled through.

Nico

Nico's wife had work but he brought his 18 month old daughter Nicola. She was a doll. We had a lesson with our Ward Mission Leader Mirko who is bomb. And the lesson was bomb. We had it in the church and when he showed up with his daughter I was a little worried cause children aren't super conducive for the spirit but she was quiet most of the time and when she wasn't, Nico was so engrossed in the lesson and what we were teaching and testifying about that it didn't even phase him. We taught him the restoration and a little about eternal families and the spirit was really really strong. He closed it with a prayer and said he was grateful that we found him. As he was saying the prayer the anziani in our ward walked in. Very quietly luckily. After the prayer we all got up and were talking about when we could meet next and we gave him a LdM and asked him to read it. And get this. He was like, "I will read it tonight. With my wife. And tell her all the things you told me." What's up? Nico is. Anyway we called the anziani in to introduce him. And yesterday we were talking about the lesson and one of them said to us, "I walked into the chapel after you finished your lesson and the spirit in there was STILL tangible." Me and Sorella Yonk were suuuper happy to hear that. Sometimes I worry that elders think that sisters are just sweet and nice and loving and can't actually bring a powerful spirit but :) yeah. It was nice to hear that we were able to testify strongly enough that the spirit was present. Also Nico is literally a Zen master and a black belt. He's legit. We invited them to conference and we are planning on seeing the Saturday afternoon sesh with them on Sunday morning at the church. :) I would watch a hundred, a million sessions in Italian for Nico and Elisa and Nicola! We are going to watch the others in English probably though.

Help Thou My Unbelief

Anyway that night we got back and before bed I opened up to Mark 9 about the father with his child who has a dumb spirit. I read that story. I always read that story when I feel that I don't have enough faith actually. I love how the father CRIES out. In desperation. Like me. When I feel subpar, overwhelmed and out of my league. All I can really do is cry out "Lord, I believe, help thou mine unbelief." That "dumb spirit" that we all have inside of us. Sometimes those creeping doubts are small and imperceptible. And sometimes we feel like they consume us. But all we really have to do is find that part of us that does have faith or belief and hand that to Christ saying, "Man, this is all I've got. I know it isn't enough, but I also believe that you can make it enough. Can you help me out?

Can you cut me a break?" and he takes that dumb stupid spirit and pulls it out. Even when it hurts and we "fall to the ground as if we were dead." But yeah. I love Christ. He's the best. He saw my fears and my doubts and looked past them to the little faith that I was trying to hand to him. And he probably smiled at my little attempt and said, "Yeah, alright Sarah. :) That's plenty."

Muslim Family

Other than that we didn't have too many appointments and so we did finding most of the week. We met a Muslim family who had us in for water. They told us about their devotion to the Quran and we told them about the LdM and read them King Benji's 2:17 (...when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God). They were really nice. I just love Muslims. They just love God so much. The father had a permanent spot on his head from praying so much with his forehead on the floor. I thought that was totally rad. He loves God a ton. I'm telling you man, Muslims are the bomb diggity.

This World Is Beautiful

It is just getting beautiful here. The weather is warmer and the sun is almost always out. Daylight savings was a rough adjustment. Especially cause there is no way I can get the hour of sleep made up. But wtvr. We did our weekly planning outside on our balcony and it was probably the first time I've enjoyed myself planning. Wow this world is beautiful. I love Italy. I love Italian. I love the almost full moon. I'm really starting to love my mission. And as always, I love you guys.

4/8/15

P-Day Visit to Lecco

Lecco was amazing. The hike was beautiful and the vista was breathtaking. I felt so at home in the mountains and they even looked a lot like my Provo mountains. Brown and grey rock with thick green foliage. Mmmmm it was a balm to my soul. We were even able to talk to a man on the hike up who was a bus driver who came to the mountains every week for solace. My brother, I hear ya on that one. We were also able to talk to some people at the top who were hilarious and really excited for EXPO (world fair) in Milano starting in one month! Woo! It was a gorgeous day.

I Believe in Disco Techno

This week has been a little slow. We tried desperately to get appointments with Nico and Matilda and our other simps but everyone seemed to be lazy or busy or a combination of two. So we were out finding a lot of this week and we met some beautiful people, some crazy people, and even one guy who was high as a kite who wanted us to let him in our house "for lunch" -wink- "Ha-ha. We're like nuns for a year and a half. Do you believe in Jesus Christ?" "I believe in DISCO TECHNO!!" Yeah, he was great. Anyway, I will tell you about just a couple of my favorites.

Maribella

We wanted to go into the Lodi duomo for a minute cause I had never seen it, and we saw a beggar on the steps of the corridor and started talking to her. We told her we couldn't give her money but we gave her crackers. Then we asked her if she believed in God. She said she did. She told us her story. About how she and her husband are both beggars, they can't find work, they want to go back to their child in Romania who is staying with her parents, but until they can get enough money they are living in a tent in a field somewhere in between here and Crema. She was beautiful. She had beautiful eyes. And as she talked, we listened and wondered if anyone had even asked what her name was. We asked if we could sit down and talk with her for a while. She said yes and we sat down on the church steps (I guess we were technically breaking a rule by proselyting on catholic property...but I'm sure the pope would be fine with it) and bore her our testimony that God loved her so much. We told her about the LDM and she said she'd really like a copy in Romanian. We said we'd bring her one the next day. We told her we were representatives of Jesus Christ and in that moment I really felt the part. Sitting with a beggar on the steps of the duomo in Lodi. Talking with beggars is unassuming, seemingly unimportant work, but I don't know if I have ever felt more like Christ. Unfortunately, the next day we went back to give her the LDM and she wasn't there. We don't know how we're going to find her but...I dunno. I don't really think that is the point anymore...

Easter Mass

...We went inside the church and the Easter mass was going on. There were about a hundred people singing and chanting and it was pretty cool to be in Easter mass in Italy on Sunday. And to understand what was being said. In Italian. It was like good ol pure Catholicism. And then the mass ended and the organist started cooking some crazy Bach. Like the dissonant Hunchback of Notre Dame kind of Bach. The dim cathedral kind of Bach that gives you goosebumps. I just kept thinking, "Man, I don't care who y'are, this here is money."

Nessun

We were doing some casa and the caretaker of the grounds came up to us and started talking to us. As soon as we tried to give him a perche egli vive (Because He Lives) biglietto he started lashing out. He was almost yelling at us about how we were parading around pretending to do good when really all we do is hand out biglietti. We told him that we were representatives of Christ and that--- and then he bust up laughing. "Representatives of Christ?!?" That really, really hurt. I mean it is hard enough when people get mad and bitter but when they laugh at you as you try to consecrate your life for others....yeesh. It was not good. I almost started tearing up. He went on and on for a few more minutes shaking his head and brushing figurative dirt off his hands and we just stood there and took it. Cause we didn't know what else to do. We asked what his name was. He said, "Nessun" "Like nessuno? That means nobody." "Yes, that is right. I'm Nessun. I'm nessuno." After he said that I asked him if we could at least pray with him. He agreed and Sorella Yonk said a prayer. In it she asked for his heart to be opened and cleansed. During the prayer I was crying partly out of exhaustion (it had been a long, unfruitful day of finding and this interaction was the straw the broke my back), partly because he hurt me with his words, and mostly cause I was worried his words would stick with me longer than I wanted to and that they would fester and grow doubts about this work and why I was here for the next year. Also I didn't want the prayer to end cause I had no idea what to do when it did. After the prayer was said...I honestly still have no idea what happened. I have never understood the Bible when it says that the spirit could cast out devils and I mean, that is still a little much for me to believe that I, as a missionary, could do that, or that there are such things as evil spirits, but all I know is before the prayer he was bitter and cold and....dark. And after the prayer, he took our hands in both of his. Both of his old, gnarled, oil-stained, rough, Italian hands and thanked us. He said we were beautiful and that we were bringing God's word to the people. He pointed us in the direction of a palazzo full of people who we could talk to and thanked us again and left. I dunno. I'm still kind of in shock with this one. I was just really amazed at the way that the spirit was able to come through the prayer and cleanse this man's heart of whatever brambles it harbored. There are a lot of things in this work that I don't understand and I don't think I'll really ever fully comprehend. But that was no power man can create. And no power that I could replicate.

Dreaming with My Eyes Open

The last story for the week was of a man we talked to on a park bench. He was old, probably 80 or so, but we could see that he had biked to the park. I love Italy. Anyway, we were talking to him about families and life and then he kind of went on a rant. Usually they are lengthy and we just want to move on, but this guy, he was a poet. He talked about being young and said, "I held the world in hand, life in hand, my future in hand. My dreams were like dust on the road before me. Without number and reachable. I walked forward in those days. Dreaming with my eyes open." I guess...I dunno. It sounded cooler in Italian. But! That last line has just been swimming in my mind these past few days. Dreaming with my eyes open. That is kind of what I feel I'm doing right now. I have all these dreams and hopes to find people and teach people or at least bring them a little more spirit into their lives. And I don't do it passively. I walk and dream and talk all at the same time. Every day that I go out I look and dream with my eyes open. Hm. Anyway. If I ever become a famous poet and use that line, don't tell anyone who it came from. "Sognando con i miei occhi aperto..." Mi piace.

4/15/15

Margharita

This lady we contacted on the street, her name is Margharita. She's from Poland, about 30. She is planning on getting baptized the 23rd of May :) which may be my last Saturday in Lodi. Anyway, we went into this lesson with her (the first after the actual contact) and she told us about how her husband and she are getting a divorce. They have been married for seven months and he's cheated on her with five different women already. None of them knew he was even married. Also the police have been called twice to her house on account of domestic violence so he's just a straight up piece of work. Which is about as strong of language as I can use while wearing this tag. But anyway, we were a little worried at first that she was just running to the church because she's in a really rough situation right now and wants to align herself with someone or something and then I was like, wait a sec, isn't that exactly what the church is for? To be a refuge for people whose lives are in a wreck? Like James [from Michael's mission]? And really if you think about it, all of us? We all have faults and we all have problems and where is the first place we run when we can't handle things? At least for me it's prayer and the scriptures and my support group. So I don't think I'm going to worry about that. I'll make sure she's serious about the gospel and knows what kind of a commitment baptism is, but the church is for broken people in broken places. So I'm not going to turn away this woman's bleeding soul and heart from the best hospital in Italy. But after she told us all that, we gave the resto (again, we kind of gave a really brief version on the street) and she said at the end of that, "So what would I have to do to be baptized? You girls have this light and this stability. Is your religion where you get that? Where can I get that? I want that entire peace that you have." She is kind of a frantic talker and we were just trying to be chill but I think my face looked pretty stupid after she said that and I think I maybe accidentally did a half I-can't-believe-this kind of laugh and was like, "It's all good, you talk to us and take some lessons and we'll go from there." "But are you baptized nude?" "No, we have these white clothes--" "Where can I buy them?" "Uhhh, we have them already, don't worry about it." "I am a smoker, and I want to stop. Do you think Jesus can help me stop smoking?" I'm telling you, this woman is a gold mine. So we were like, heck, we haven't even finished the whole resto lesson but "Will you prepare to be baptized on the 23rd of May?" "Yeah, if I know it's the right thing to do, yes I will." We gave her a LdM and are going back there in an hour to teach her the Plan of Salvation and hopefully set up a plan to help her stop smoking. I actually don't know how heavy it is, but, yeah. Pray for her and her smoking and her situation. Her husband is moving out at the end of this month, but until then it'll be a little crazy with lessons and stuff. I am just really excited and therefore really vulnerable with this Margharita. It's a little too early to tell how legit things really are, but...yeesh. Who cares? Here we go.

Transfer Calls

Transfer calls came and I'm staying here in Lodi for another 6 weeks. I have to admit when I got the call I was a little....it just hit me how exhausted I am with this city. I was thinking, six more weeks of winter... But! We have great people to teach, I love the ward, I love Sorella Yonk, I love my district and Sorella Yonk keeps telling me it's all how you look at it. The situation can't change, and I know that. And 6 months in one city, especially a city where I've never had a progressing simp, is a long time, but I'm going to keep looking for the good in the situation and try not to notice the fact that I'll spend a third of my mission in this city. Anyway, there are my very conflicting and complicated thoughts on six more weeks in Lodi. Wish me luck.

Italian Heels

Monday was district meeting, and during our lunch time after we went to a shoe store cause I wanted to buy some Italian heels. I ended up getting some pretty money black heels (Dad would SO disapprove but I love em) and made the awful mistake of walking the almost one mile back to the station in them. Through the cobble stone streets of Italy. They are like, oh, 2 1/2 inch heels, not super crazy, but they do hurt your feet after awhile. Anyway, after that we caught an earlier train that we thought went to the train station we wanted, Rogoredo, but it went straight to centrale in Milan, no big deal, only a five minute set back, then we missed the train to Lodi by seconds because the train we were on broke down for five minutes. Anyway, we found a train that said it stopped in Rogoredo. It said it stopped there. I saw it. So we got on that train. Keep in mind that I'm still in these ridiculous heels, trying to break them in. We sat down and as it pulled away it said that the train was a freccia bianca. Those are the high speed trains that go to southern Italy and stuff. Our public transportation passes do not cover freccia bianca trains by any means. I was like, it's okay, it will still stop in Rogoredo like it said. Just as I thought that, we whizzed past a station. I looked out the window. I leaned over to Sorella Yonk and said, "Oh look, there goes Rogoredo." She was like, "Oh no oh no oh no. What do we do Sorella?" I was like, "Ohhhhkay. Here's what we'll do. I'll go talk to a train guy and explain things so they don't freak when they come to check our tickets. Don't worry. Everything is going to be fine. But I'm keeping on the heels." I put on my best cute/stupid-American look and went to one of the train guys and explained that we were trying to get to Lodi and had accidentally taken the wrong train and that we didn't have tickets for a freccia but that we had abbonamenti and he was just like, "S'all good, just get off at the next stop in Piacenza." Haha. Victory. No fine, no reprimands. I'm attributing it to the heels. We got off at Piacenza, said thanks to the nice train guy, got a train back to Lodi and it was all just fine in the end. We had a good laugh and actually, on every one of the mess-up trains, we were able to talk to really nice people. An old lady who loved her family and said she'd share the #percheeglivive video with her grandkids, and this really nice 25 year old girl who wanted English class in Milan from the missionaries, and also invited me to stay with her in Bari after my mission if I was ever vacationing down south. Italians are just so nice and genuine...

Helaman 10

Last thing, this morning during studies I was reading Helaman 10 and I love the first 4 or 5 verses. Nephi has just foreseen the crazy story with the chief judge and the blood and all that and then the people just...go their separate ways and he's left there "alone." I'm just picturing him thinking, "But what could I have done more? What did I do wrong?" as he is walking back to his house. Something that has been hard for me, and I'm sure for all missionaries, is to wonder why, after miracles, the people leave and it seems like you are just standing there. Alone and unwanted and confused and downtrodden. I have been surrounded by people my entire mission. Aside from showers, there has been someone at my side for the past six months. And yet, in some ways, these six months have been some of the loneliest of my life. I have felt the way Nephi did as he's walking home, alone and confused and depressed. Man, I feel him. And then the Lord comes to him and says "Good on ya for keeping on. Keep on keepin on. And I give you the power that what you say will happen cause I know that you won't say or want anything that is contrary to my will." And so Nephi turns around and goes back and keeps preaching. And even with the ability to command the mountains, he doesn't baptize anyone. Because I guess that wasn't Gods will, and he knew that. And he preached anyway. I dunno. I'm still chewing on this one, but I really love those first few verses where it is written that even great prophets and preachers in the LdM felt alone and confused and didn't know what else they could do, so they headed home. Not everyone can be Ammon and Aaron. And that's okay.

Love you all to the moon and back,

Sorella Sarah